it’s not as easy as it seems to be
for my lips are smiling
but not my broken heart
am i to suffer in perpetuity
for that one mistake one time
but what of all the good i did
to wander aimlessly waiting for you
for just one more night
but you seem to have moved on
it is not as it seems
for my eyes seem to sparkle
but not my dead soul
why is it so hard
to squeeze in a word
from time to time
proficiency nullified
when faced with reality
of someone to pine
over, just like that
heartbroken and alone
and fears redefine
what if my lips are shut
suffering alone forever
will you then be mine
your essence gone
all that’s left behind
lingering aroma
a little hair out of place
a little longer in the bed
a little decibel higher
and i am judged
there’s a finality in that guess
no heed given to what i said
trying to balance a high wire
still i am judged
that plastered smile on your face
is that purple skirt with red
like a hooker on hire
yes, you are judged
everyone judges everyone else
but judge themselves, they see red
and yet goes on, this quagmire
we are all fucked
why is it that what i say
and what you hear
is always out of sync
my truths are your lies
your darkness for my light
wouldn’t it make you think
and yet i stand here
resolute and alone
taking the road high
and there you are
always with a reason
to say goodbye
plans made to perfection
only to be looked back upon
as broken promises
a hand extended to help
only for a swift retraction
to let plunge in darkness
a heart let go for someone
only to be crushed into pieces
never to be one again
withdrawn from the world
alone for a long quest
inhibited and furled
thriving on my own zest
inundated as solitude hurled
never felt such unrest
geared for a life whirled
fear thumping neath chest
optimistic yet curled
rational, yet with unrest
yearning for love swirled
one day it will attest
until then, my world…
betrayed by my own kith
over faces unknown
and years of love and trust
puff… gone
my existence to you a ghost
or a plane parallel
treatment to me so silent
shivered universe all
the darkness in you i see
i am not a match
walking around you on eggshells
can’t let those chicken hatch
one of those days when i’m livid
not because i’m angry, but sad
to see that i can’t heal you
or to feel the pain you hide
poorly
is confiding a forgone thought
what is it? something i did?
or something i should’ve
what made you feel it’s better
alone
i’m helpless and all i want
is to help you feel like self
you might not realize, my love
but when you push me away, i
die
