a rucksack full of clothes
memories, in every pocket
and one old, bulky laptop
to relive them all
i find myself asleep now
berth to berth, shivering
forgotten by life itself
and i – forgetting to live
trapped within my own mind
staring at walls made of failure
desperate for a window
just for a ray of light
aimless at the crossroads
dragging my feet on, and on
how i hope this sack were light
and i’d just find home
stuck in here with nothing but
swirling whirlpool of thoughts
and the devil is calling
for my sins are but a few
the time i gave up on realized
my betrayal just in time
and the time is betraying
for my present is askew
days are darker and nights light
my eyes now bereft of shine
and the devil is calling
for its pupil new
it’s not as easy as it seems to be
for my lips are smiling
but not my broken heart
am i to suffer in perpetuity
for that one mistake one time
but what of all the good i did
to wander aimlessly waiting for you
for just one more night
but you seem to have moved on
it is not as it seems
for my eyes seem to sparkle
but not my dead soul
i feel lost all the time
scared; petrified of the world
for it stares; piercing stares
to make me look down
and on it goes with happy lives
glossy finish and leather covers
never to find a speck of dust
while i bite it again and again
why must i be in a constant battle
without even a chance to prove
when the world moves just fine
with mediocrity abound
i feel lost all the time
angry; enraged at the world
for it laughs; petty laughs
to make me hurt myself
i am being watched
through the annals of time
befitting, it seems
that i’m stuck in the present
for past has already
tarnished itself through me
and the future appears just
to tease before disappearing
i am beholden to time
enough to be imprisoned forever
and yet free to feel
my failures over and over
we laugh we cry
we heave we sigh
when kids
carefree
a switch and
grown up litte shits
going precariously through
the motions of life
reality is much harsh
than our worst nightmares
for nightmares are courteous
enough to let you escape
but life, fucked up life
grabs you by the throat
flings you around until
handing over to sweet
death
some battles are mine
some squabbles are mine
i alone will face them
without intervention divine
here we are, once again
delirious and daft
with the same mistakes
thrown off of raft
never learned to swim
for pride was high
desperate, limbs flailed
and shore was nigh
drenched in self shame
with feet on ground
ignoring snide laughs
waiting, ships abound
here we are, once again
resolute and unwavering
learning new mistakes
for success most daring
if i read what you have to say
am i to like it if it’s good
or should i be jealous
for you achieved what i couldn’t
the depth in your words
the pain in your lines
and all i can muster up
are some nonsensical rhymes
i am full of doubt and mediocrity
but you a wizard of words
my reverence for you is taking over
and yet can’t stop feeling jealous