staring at the crossroad
through the abyss
life – bought and sold
still searching for peace
thoughts – they won’t leave me
of ropes and ladders
a quantum of happiness and i’m
scared and shattered
chances: badly fared
and the world goes on
will a moment be spared
if i’m gone?
could it be better somewhere
with but just a hop
freight train on the tracks
will the pain stop?
a rucksack full of clothes
memories, in every pocket
and one old, bulky laptop
to relive them all
i find myself asleep now
berth to berth, shivering
forgotten by life itself
and i – forgetting to live
trapped within my own mind
staring at walls made of failure
desperate for a window
just for a ray of light
aimless at the crossroads
dragging my feet on, and on
how i hope this sack were light
and i’d just find home
i used to be someone
not special, just unique
floating with confidence
in the air free
look at me now
disgust and pity is all
that can be conjured
through those eyes
i lost my way trying
too hard to please others
knowing my futile actions
would betray my cause
and now i stand again
at the crossroads of choice
crossing my fingers
for life to unpause
stuck in here with nothing but
swirling whirlpool of thoughts
and the devil is calling
for my sins are but a few
the time i gave up on realized
my betrayal just in time
and the time is betraying
for my present is askew
days are darker and nights light
my eyes now bereft of shine
and the devil is calling
for its pupil new
it’s not as easy as it seems to be
for my lips are smiling
but not my broken heart
am i to suffer in perpetuity
for that one mistake one time
but what of all the good i did
to wander aimlessly waiting for you
for just one more night
but you seem to have moved on
it is not as it seems
for my eyes seem to sparkle
but not my dead soul
i can never have hope
for life will break it
will promise you the sun
if you could just make it
only to snatch away
every shred of happiness
and laugh away at your life
a pathetic crumpled mess
i feel lost all the time
scared; petrified of the world
for it stares; piercing stares
to make me look down
and on it goes with happy lives
glossy finish and leather covers
never to find a speck of dust
while i bite it again and again
why must i be in a constant battle
without even a chance to prove
when the world moves just fine
with mediocrity abound
i feel lost all the time
angry; enraged at the world
for it laughs; petty laughs
to make me hurt myself
rushing back with a flow
crushing smiles with every blow
far too many to push aside
memories. life, they decide
maybe i am tired
retired of existence
in consistence with loss
chaos reigning on life
strife, still rife