we laugh we cry
we heave we sigh
when kids
carefree
a switch and
grown up litte shits
going precariously through
the motions of life
reality is much harsh
than our worst nightmares
for nightmares are courteous
enough to let you escape
but life, fucked up life
grabs you by the throat
flings you around until
handing over to sweet
death
some battles are mine
some squabbles are mine
i alone will face them
without intervention divine
I’ve been in a limbo half my life. Stuck at the same place I so desperately wanted to try for the first time. It looked out of my comfort zone. A nice challenge. And now, years have passed and it has become the ultimate comfort. all I want, all I need – is to be able to get out of this comfort zone, and into a fiery pit that would make me run like never before.
All I keep thinking about is the various ways i can employ to achieve this goal. And somehow, nothing seems to work. Even if I start the whole thing afresh. I can’t understand why I am being tested in such a manner that all I can see is haze before my eyes and fear in my mind. Does it mean that I don’t have what it takes to get out of the pitiful position I’m in? Am I responsible for all of this? Whatever ‘this’ is…
I’ve had thoughts of giving up. But my mind just can’t do it. So weak! And that is why here I am, a fool, trying and trying to get somewhere. Waking up everyday thinking today will be different, and going to bed at night with just a replay of the past days, just like the days before, jut like the days before.
here we are, once again
delirious and daft
with the same mistakes
thrown off of raft
never learned to swim
for pride was high
desperate, limbs flailed
and shore was nigh
drenched in self shame
with feet on ground
ignoring snide laughs
waiting, ships abound
here we are, once again
resolute and unwavering
learning new mistakes
for success most daring
i have demons in me
demons of my utter failure
gnawing away my life
crippling me from inside
my insidious fears
overwhelming my heart
beats running thunderous
for an unexpected stop
yet i’m to hold off
losing my composure
to maintain my dignity
and overcome failure
how am i to do this
when demons in me reside
gnawing away my life
crippling me from inside
in the middle of the city
away from serenity
there’s a place noisy and loud
underneath polluted cloud
i like it here, it’s nice
the bustle, the noise
makes me part of humanity
maintaining my sanity
but what’s that i see morphing
connected humans, quietly working
never seeing eye to eye
never a hello, never a bye
the blaring roars are gone now
don’t know why, don’t know how
all i hear is silence, shitty
right in the middle of the city
a life in balance, hung
and stares stuck to screen
unforgiving heart skipping beats
just waiting for a ring
but the light never turned
even with signals high
clinging hope slipping away
and sad reality, nigh
what i thought a serious business
for you was just a game
you broke my soul, crushed my dreams
i curse you all the same
the stench of failure
hard earned without trying
at least the sweat is mine
awaiting scent of success
bated breath, open nostrils
i know it’ll be divine
yearning for but a respite
entitled to every human once
lonely life without beloved
learning to let go despite
onlookers busy hiding smiles
with fake gloom on faces shoved
