reflection – rasik

nomad

a rucksack full of clothes
memories, in every pocket
and one old, bulky laptop
to relive them all

i find myself asleep now
berth to berth, shivering
forgotten by life itself
and i – forgetting to live

trapped within my own mind
staring at walls made of failure
desperate for a window
just for a ray of light

aimless at the crossroads
dragging my feet on, and on
how i hope this sack were light
and i’d just find home

stuck in here with nothing but
swirling whirlpool of thoughts
and the devil is calling
for my sins are but a few

the time i gave up on realized
my betrayal just in time
and the time is betraying
for my present is askew

days are darker and nights light
my eyes now bereft of shine
and the devil is calling
for its pupil new

it’s not as easy as it seems to be
for my lips are smiling
but not my broken heart

am i to suffer in perpetuity
for that one mistake one time
but what of all the good i did

to wander aimlessly waiting for you
for just one more night
but you seem to have moved on

it is not as it seems
for my eyes seem to sparkle
but not my dead soul

i feel lost all the time
scared; petrified of the world
for it stares; piercing stares
to make me look down

and on it goes with happy lives
glossy finish and leather covers
never to find a speck of dust
while i bite it again and again

why must i be in a constant battle
without even a chance to prove
when the world moves just fine
with mediocrity abound

i feel lost all the time
angry; enraged at the world
for it laughs; petty laughs
to make me hurt myself

we laugh we cry
we heave we sigh
when kids
carefree

a switch and
grown up litte shits
going precariously through
the motions of life

reality is much harsh
than our worst nightmares
for nightmares are courteous
enough to let you escape

but life, fucked up life
grabs you by the throat
flings you around until
handing over to sweet
death

i have demons in me
demons of my utter failure
gnawing away my life
crippling me from inside

my insidious fears
overwhelming my heart
beats running thunderous
for an unexpected stop

yet i’m to hold off
losing my composure
to maintain my dignity
and overcome failure

how am i to do this
when demons in me reside
gnawing away my life
crippling me from inside