disappointed with the way
i am treated simply because
you are the one hiding secrets
from me
why am i the one who suffers
the rage and swings and not
the one who is responsible
for this
am i to just give up my voice
and give in to all your whims
or should i stand my ground
and say ‘fuck off’
the rampant betrayal of self
is it really worth it
or do you think i’ll take you back
lack of esteem
you should’ve just conveyed
what was in your heart
instead you chose to string mine
till it broke in millions
now i rage not for the hurt
but for the future we could’ve had
if it weren’t for your delusions
thinking it was just a game
the foggy reflection in the mirror
of loss and regret
wiping down teary wide eyes
cursing the fate
who is it to blame for all this
whom should i hate
or was it me all along responsible
causing this upset
wait, the blame i passed onto others
for failures uncountable
while i stopped even trying at all
saying they’re insurmountable
it was me standing still, world moved
my damage irreversible
all i can do now is stare at foggy eyes
and cry inconsolable
a gorgeous sunset through naked eyes
didn’t happen
an electrifying concert witnessed
didn’t happen
lip smacking indian food the other day
never tasted
the miles ran just after the sunset
never experienced
for the camera was off
a moment not captured on an sd card
is not a moment at all
memories, who cares about them
all i need is validation from strangers
liking my stuff, while they cry inside
unimaginable pain piercing through
when reality strikes
shaken legs looking for a flat surface
when gloomy future arise
yet strength carries forward the soul
for you’re not alone
hope and heart for a better tomorrow
and old wounds gone
but out comes the truth unbearable
staring right at you
all you thought were close are no more
left right on queue
friends shared the pain before
hearts sympathetic
was a ruse you couldn’t catch, my god
you are pathetic
a thought unprovoked buried deep within the crevices of mind
unshakeable, stuck for time eternal
and numb limbs fighting to figure out a cure
for the tingles keep getting worse
something i did and now i’m left wondering
what could have been if it wasn’t for that one mistake
a pounding heart is all i’m left with
and a fear it’ll soon break
anxious of an outcome walking the road never taken
echoes of caution, dead end ahead, turn left
shaking legs trying too hard. scared inside, am i dead
a thought unprovoked buried deep within the crevices of mind
unshakeable, stuck for time eternal
nah… i’ve endured enough for you
no more shall i come to your rescue
a toy to play with and then
shove it under the bed
discarded. disposed off
away from any living gaze
while you roam around with
someone else
catering to every whims of
this creature
and i endure…
pain… regret… loss.
only for you to come back with
tears to soak my shirt
and me to just be happy while
i cry… i shout… i tremble…
to blind eyes and deaf ears
no more
this, here is when
i let you go
this, here, is when
i take a stand
this, here, is when
i become free!
can’t remember the last soul
i had a talk with, alive or dead
monsters swirling, thoughts burning
oh, the sins inside of my head
left with my own instruments
thinking of a world mortals dread
shouldn’t have left me alone to die
darlings, you made your own bed
thrill of a secret, behind closed door
hushed voices, scared to the core
a drag, this life, a drag to forget
needle underneath, and now it’s too late
buried with burden, i’m free no more
ripped hearts i see, i see promises i tore
undone by lows, high only to hate
quest a happy life, alas! sealed fate
